I spent so much money trying to become the thing I no longer want.

Demystifying "wasted" education & investments and how guilt was stopping me from quitting as a graphic designer and moving forward as an artist.

For some time I had this idea that becoming a graphic designer was the ultimate career for me. One day I realized that my goal to work as a graphic designer was accomplished and yet I wasn’t living the fulfilled life that I had envisioned. The lifestyle expectations I had were not a match and neither was the money. I didn’t experience the kind of joy and success I thought I would. But I told myself that everyone says I’m good at it and this has to be my calling. I had received an award and my design had been published. My employers gave me praise and freelance clients would also send their small business friends my way whenever they needed branding and logo design.

But I felt empty inside.

To keep playing the role I once wanted so bad even though I no longer felt the same seemed necessary. It’s like I’ve made a promise to myself that I wasn’t allowed to break. This graphic designer identity I took on made up such a huge piece of me that letting go seemed ridiculous and unfathomable. Me not a designer anymore? What am I then? What are we without our titles at the end of the day? Are we still of value? We are more than our titles and jobs and I know this, but deep down I felt like my worth would be stripped from me if I no longer carried this “designer” label.

Worst of all, I had spent so much money I made from my minimum wage jobs to afford my education to become a graphic designer. I had invested so much time and then paid more to upgrade, and in total attended and graduated from three different programs!

If you’re still with me, maybe you can understand this feeling even if you’re not a graphic designer because there is likely a time in your life where you’ve invested in an online course or program, a coach, or basically any huge investment that you are still trying to make your money back from. And it’s not happening for you. You feel like you no longer have the drive for this pursuit. You want to quit but you don’t want to admit defeat. You feel guilt cause wouldn’t quitting mean all of this money and time would go to waste?

Enter the sunk cost fallacy.

Sunk cost fallacy is a cognitive bias where someone who has invested their time or money into something would rather continue with it than quit—because of what’s already invested. Even though they are aware that it’s better to move on, they don’t because accepting the loss of what was already invested is harder than looking ahead and focusing on what could be gained. As humans we tend to believe that if we’ve already invested in something, to abandon ship means we’re incurring a loss even though moving on would be of greater benefit for our situation.

For some time this was part of what’s holding me back. I felt guilty and embarrassed if I no longer had my job title. And sometimes I still struggle a bit because if it’s hard to tell people you quit. Quitting has a lot of stigma. Quitting could be interpreted as being weak-willed, uncommitted, and failure! Ugh!

But this isn’t always the case as quitting could mean wise discernment and knowing that it’s time to let go of something that’s no longer going to serve you. Quitting a toxic relationship or job is not a bad decision! And while education may seem like it’s wasted, the skills and experiences gained from are invaluable and they stay…forever.

While I still take on an occasional request from old design clients once in a blue moon, I haven’t been actively finding design work these days. This is my quiet exit strategy as I’m embracing this beginners (and sometimes ugly) stage of making art and stepping into an artist role without attaching myself to it too seriously. I felt that it was necessary to share this because making it public helps me to acknowledge that I’ve solidified my decision.

Have you ever also made an investment in something that you just can’t quit for a similar reason?